||[Jul. 27th, 2006|02:35 am]
So, we essentially had dinner with Dennis Rodman last Tuesday night. It's a long story, and I don't feel like retelling it, so I'm just posting Marc's version. There was a lot more to it, because it was a 2 hour affair, but this pretty much captures the atmosphere. |
So we went to dinner in La Jolla with Joanne's grandparents at this fancy place called "George's." When we pulled up, there was this giant F150, all raised up with gold flames painted down the side, and a big picture of Dennis Rodman on the hood. I just figured he was in the area, and that I'd take a picture of his truck and that'd be it. So we sit down for dinner, and not long after we order, Joanne's grandma is telling us how she went down to Mexico with the League of Women Voters. As she's telling the story, Rodman and a young girl walk in, and sit down at the table next to us. Joanne's grandma goes on telling the story, and she talks about how their group learned about prostitution in Mexico. Dennis hadn't been in his seat for more than 30 seconds before he joined in the conversation.
"Excuse me mama, but when you talk about prostitution, you have to know it's all about the money. It's like a strip club. In Las Vegas, you pay the house, you pay the pimp, you pay everyone. It's all about this *makes money motion with fingers.* The government, they start taking your money with the taxes, then sooner or later, you got nothing. They start taxing casinos, too." We asked if he was a big advocate of gambling because of his golden-palace.com hat, and he said no, he owns half the company. I haven't seen any paperwork on this, but somehow I doubt it.
He went on like this for another 5 minutes, rambling from one subject to another, periodically slapping his hands together or pounding a table when he felt like he was losing the crowd. At this point, Joanne's grandpa had had enough, and moved on to his second martini of the evening.
Finally, Dennis made his way onto the subject of religion "Are y'all Jewish?" Everyone nods but me, but it didn't matter, because he already launched into a thing about how his managers and accountants were all Jewish. He then started asking where we were from, and when he heard that Joanne's family was Jewish and from New York, he started talking about bagels. Finally, our food came out, and Dennis turned around to let us eat, talking to his date for the first time since he came in the restaurant.
So we all start eating, and Dennis turns back to us and saws "I own a construction company. We have offices in LA, Texas, and New York, anything you need built, we build it." and he stares at us with an expectant look. The silence continued until Joanne had the presence of mind to say "Oh, well that's good to know. We just don't have anything that needs building."
We go back to eating and some light conversation about the quality of the food, when Dennis starts pointing at Joanne's dad and starts shouting "Borscht! Borscht! Borscht!" Which is not a Jewish food item, as you may know. He would keep turning around to join in our conversation, and when we wouldn't pay attention to him, he'd kick his legs way up high in the air, and the whole restaurant would turn around to see what he was up to.
So finally we finish eating, and the waiter comes around asking if any of us would like desert. I declined, but they brought out a chocolate, a strawberry, and a blueberry on a plate with a candle, and everyone sang "Happy Birthday." After everyone was done singing, Dennis turns around and starts singing a song to me, and me alone. It was like the rest of the room washed away, and it was just him and me, locked in one of the most incredibly awkward moments of my life. After he was done crooning, he tells me that since it's my birthday, I gotta *make devil horns.* I think it was a metaphor for something, and he didn't really mean I should make the devil horns sign with my hands for my birthday. He kept nodding at me, and pointing the horns in my direction, then turned to Joanne's dad and said "Sorry dad, but you know how it is."
So everyone is having some desert, grandpa is onto another cocktail, and Dennis finally turns to Joanne's Grandma and says "Mama, how do you feel about your daughter marrying someone that isn't Jewish?" So he had heard me earlier, just not acknowledged it. Either way, I just shrank in my seat, Joanne makes an "Oh God!" look on her face, and her Grandma says "Well, I think my granddaughter can marry whoever she wants. We're not very religious." Dennis nods his head with approval, and then does the devil horns in my direction once again.
Finally, he decided that he and his date had had enough of the atmosphere, and would be departing. When he found out that the restaurant would not be comping his meal or the three bottles of wine he took a sip of and sent back, he became quite upset and was determined to leave immediately. However, Joanne asked him to take a picture with me, "for [my] birthday" as she put it, but later she said "He interrupted our entire meal, I think it was the least he could have done." So of course, even though he was angry with the restaurant, Dennis paused to take a picture with me. After Joanne took the picture, Dennis asked to see it, and being unhappy with the result, told her to take another picture. She did so, and you saw the end result.
That was the end of my evening with the master of remaining inconspicuous, Dennis Rodman.
I've never been so glad NOT to have had dinner with someone in my entire life.
The report didn't include Rodman's philosphy on life. He explained, "Life doesn't understand. Life is water. We're 60% water, the world is 60% water, add that up. When you jump in the water, it doesn't know what you're doing. It says, 'Who the fuck are you?' Water doesn't understand. Life doesn't understand."
2006-07-28 10:05 am (UTC)
What a profound thinker!
This story might have been one of the best things I've read in my life. The part where he was serenading Marc had me dying. And I need to see pictures!!
wow...that made me happy this morning. i didnt expect to read about such great things so early in huh...my afternoon.
i'm sorry that you lost marc to dennis rodman due to his awesome vocal prouesses.